Where do we go from here?

Life's been so messed up lately, it's really hard remembering the "finer things in life". Some of which I have thankfully immortalised in my iphone, but many of which, will only remain as a locked up memory. I'll leave the photos for a later post (or earlier since it will appear above this), as blogspot isn't that friendly when it comes to uploading pics amidst a thousand word essay.

Feeling extremely down in my work recently, I received some advice, actually it's more of a reminder, a common quote from a senior which really made me realise how saying the right things at the right time is so important. As I sat down waiting for my turn for enquiries, he said to me... tough times dont last, tough guys do. It was so liberating and extremely enlightening. It was so hard hitting it was almost like throwing me an oxygen line when I'm suffocating at the bottom of the ocean. That incident really made me realise how important words are, and no matter how common words are, they have the potential to make exceptional.

The recent tsunami tragedy in Japan made me reminiscence about the September 11 crisis. When I first knew of it, the news didn't quite sink in... only when days later did I come to terms with the harshness and once again, the fragility of life. That's when it was a reminder to me to live each day as its fullest. We must never live a day of regrets, the important question to ask yourself is that if tomorrow never came, would you regret how you have lived? Regardless of how miserable or "forced" we feel, ultimately we have the final choice to walk the path of our own lives.

No one's really out there to look out for you, you're just stuck with yourself. Buildings may collapse, winds may churn radioactive rain, life may throw piles of manure at you, hope may seem but an apparition to you, but even in these times, you will always be you. As long as we don't lose ourselves, buildings may rise, winds can be deflected, manure can be fertilised and hope may even bring an angel to you.

What is there to really love about life? The answer lies closest to your heart. Only with the ability to love oneself, can one be able to love others, can one be able to love another, can one be able to understand what this elusive and illusory feeling is. It may, or may not be simply a chemical reaction in the body, but just like how we cannot predict our tomorrows to turn out, we cannot predict how love will control us in future... scary... yet exciting. It almost feels as if it's another entity in your body, you don't just try to live peacefully with it, or fight against it, you just have to co-inhabit with it.

Goals and dreams in life can be confused with another from time to time, and they might even intertwine or be engulfed by each other. Think of them as the yin and yang, they must c0-exist but cannot exist in place or another. There could be more yang than yin, or vice versa. Goals might turn into dreams from time to time, whilst dreams turning into goals might not neccesarily be that easy.

There isn't really any "finer things" to talk about in this post, just a couple of idealogies which I have been exposed to owing to the recent events that have happened to me. But the next post, will be my breakthrough post because I've noticed how wordy my blog is, and have decided to finally add some "color" to it. Because beauty put into words is poetry, but beauty put into pictures, is art.

Cupid Columbia...

So what in the world is cupid columbia? Nothing in particular, just two separate quiries I have which I conveniently mixed them together to attain an alliteration.

Alliteration: the commencement of 2 or more words of a word group either starting with the same letter or with a similar consonant sound...

My english standards ain't vast, but my curiosity is. So today, let us briefly venture into uncovering the rationale between two "hidden beauties" in life... 1) Why are cupids depicted as babies? 2) Who is the lady featured at the front of Columbia pictures production?

After reading much material online, I found this website: http://answers.yahoo.com/question/index?qid=20090213143331AAnkuKn to provide the most comprehensive and condensed info about cupids. For those of you too lazy to read through the whole thing, then instead of clicking, just scroll down.

Essentially, to answer it simply, cupids are depicted as babies because of their representations by artists. They are supposed to be called "Cherubs" in the bible, which describes them to be a tetrad o living creatures; having 4 faces, an ox, a lion, an eagle and a man. Well, no mention of babies... and their "birth" came about by artists representations. They depicted cupids as "putti" (singular, putto) which have the figure of a human baby and are naked with wings. Putti are innocent winged-like children who sing praises to God daily.

So, to divert away from the main question asked, Cupids are Cherubs, but the cupids we see as babies are in fact Putti. Ain't it complicated? There's no mention of their "evolution" anywhere, so I can only assume that they are depicted as soul because of they are innocent looking and they are more "sellable". Imagine a cupid with 4 different faces hovering around you, carrying a bow and arrow and aiming at you... Just like the Black Eyed Peas groundbreaking single... Where is the love?

I shan't put the history of Cupid down, if you want, you can google it or try the link above, how it's the son of Mars and Venus... blah blah blah. But it's interesting to read that there are different "versions" of cupids... like how some are wearing diapers!! The reason? One word answer. Censorship!! Some conservative countries cannot accept dangling modesties... so... ahem* how do one cover a baby's modesty? If you're wondering why not females... I am clueless either. It says traditionally cupids are depicted as male babies generally... I guess there's some sexism carried over in the history books...

1 down, 1 more to go! Me being an avid movie goer, has always wondered who in the world is the lady who looks like the statue of liberty shown during the beginning of Columbia Pictures. Simple answer... She's no one. She's a computer generated figure, an arbituary and generic figure created. But you might ask, there must be some "foundation" from which her features are derived from. You're right! Here's the slightly more elaborate answer. From the beginning, Columbia Pictures needed a mascot, so they asked a female model to model as the lady. The "real" model by whom the lady was depicted is still a controversy. Well, I can live without knowing... unlike who S. W. Erdnase really is....

So over the years, Columbia Pictures "modified" her outlook and her features and the most recent one we see on the screens nowdays are generated using computer graphics... thus, just a generic face. So... she's not the mother of the founder of Columbia Pictures, nor the mistress, nor the daughter... just some random female model...

If by now you haven't bothered to ask who S. W. Erdnase is... then it's time to stop reading because this post is only meant to answer those 2 burning quiries I have. But if you're wondering who in the world is he, since I've already mentioned him... in a nutshell, he's a "ghost" magician, or more appropriately, a cardshark who wrote a revolutionary "magic" book which inspired many of the world's legendary magicians... problem is... he's a "fictional" character.

No one knows who he really is because he never came forward to claim the book as his. Spectulations have named him E, S Andrews (spelt backwards) and that he was in huge debt at that time, and being a "cheat" or more politely put, a "cardshark" back in those days, he didn't dare to make public his identity... because all he wanted was the extra cash for him to repay his debts. Unfortunately just like how Elvis Presley faked his own death, we'll never be able to uncover the truth. One of the greatest mysteries in life indeed...

That's about it for now. I shall never stop looking.... and never stop asking... Why some things are the way they are. Because just as much as I would love to live my life through blind faith, a part of me craves to discover more, to uncover the "hidden beauties of life".

Overcoming the lost of "sight" (01/09/10)

Went for a lasik operation recently, and during the first week, my vision for my right eye wasn't even close to 6/6 quality. Alas, there was an inflammation in my right eye, as quoted from my doctor, he saw a tear, which was the main cause of the inflammation. I was the 1 out of the 100 patients who were unfortunate enough to suffer such a consequence from an almost "bao jiak" operation.

That was the literal lost of "sight" which I experienced. And to cut the long story short, everything's much clearer now (about 1.5 months later)... still a little fuzzy though. But after my checkup this afternoon, both eyes were supposedly 6/6 vision... doc assured me that everything was fine and that I was overly paranoid or sumthing. I quiried about the red blood vessels I saw (vaguely) surrounding my pupils, and he said it was actually normal... just that after lasik operations, most people tend to be more "sensitive" to our eyes. Come to think of it, he made an excellent pt there... Never really did checked out my eyes cos of my shortsightedness but now that everything's clear w/o specs, I tend to scrutinize my eyes so much more, learn to appreciate them so much more...

But the main reason of my entry after such a long long time, is probably evoked not by my literal temporary blurring of vision, but because I could no longer see the "finer things in life"... the "beauty that surrounds us, or surrounds me". I have been too blinded by the terrible things occurring around me that somehow, either the finer things eluded me or that I just stopped looking for them. That's the irony about the purpose of my blog. Because contrary to popular belief, beauty isn't quite like love. It's not a matter of, "when it comes, it comes..." or "when you stop looking for it, then it will come to you". Beauty is more of being able to really see it when it comes... it's more like an opportunity. No, it doesn't come knocking at your door, but it's one that you have to grasp it when it actually does come.

The best thing which happened to me during the past few months, was definitely my trip to Taiwan with my girlfriend, of which I blogged it down so as to relive the memories and make it available for those who needs advice during their trip over. But ever since then, I was thrown with the tons and tons of the ugliness of human nature. I've been trapped in snail-like human traffic whenever I'm in a rush, and inconsiderate people just seem to be attracted to me like a magnet... for some weird reason. They push, bump, knock, and even fail to acknowledge my existence (some guy flinged his bag to "chop" a seat I was obviously waiting for)... People like that are simply too oblivious to what's happening around them. The one sight I'm disgusted by is how people assume the reserved seats to be fitting for them when some kind-hearted person lets his/her seat for them, w/o even recieving a "thank you". Not just for those reserved seats, even those which are not "reserved", all it takes is one inconsiderate person to take away the goodness of another's kind-heartedness.

And so I failed... I failed to stop, and look, because I no longer believed there exists any goodness in the world. For which I believed humans are evil by nature, and that everyone is self-centered and would never inconvenience themselves at the expense of others. For which I believed that as the number of citizens grow, the vicious cycle of "inconsiderate-ness" will only grow stronger. Like I've read in my financial advisor's book, it's simply a law of large numbers. The larger number of humans you have, the more "inconsiderate-ness" you'll experience... and the "lost" or in this context, the "goodness" is somehow diminished in comparison.

There was one fine day, while I was waiting for my train to come at Jurong East Station, and I was "bioing" a bird standing tall on top of one of the horizontal red railings which made up the elaborate infrastructure of the ceiling. And in a blink of an eye, down came... from the bird... his dropping. It struck like a chord in my locked up mind... that that was... one of the beauties in life. I had finally overcame the lost of "sight" and had finally been able to relive what it was like to experience true beauty. Gross to most, but how in the world is a bird's dropping "beautiful"?

It isn't the act of it, nor the product of it... but the consequence of the action which awed me. Back in my younger days, there's always talk about "kana-ing" bird droppings on your shoes or if you kana one on your head, it's almost like striking lottery. Now no one talks about that anymore... (either there's much lesser birds or there's just too much commercialisation) they only complain when their cars had experience an air-strike of bird or leaf droppings when they parked their cars out in the open.

Looking at just Jurong East station itself, there was a hot spot for birds to poop there... those large screen monitors. Where one could literally see loads of dried up droppings on the monitor... but strangely... none on the floor. Did the passers-by suffer the aftermath? Or did the monitor absorb all the collateral? I believe it to be the latter. Somehow, the birds subconsciously wouldn't drop his stool on anything in motion. We humans don't do that, we find it hard to even dump our waste on insects, or tiny animals sitting below our target spot... And I believe all animals are born that way in nature. No animal will consiously fly, or move around to look for other animals to poop on... if they were to see them moving under them, they will probably (crudely put) suck it in and have them pass by before letting there stool out again.

For those who know me, and my obssession with toilets, I'm not going to veer away from this "disgusting" topic just yet. I was bathing in my bathroom when I saw a heart-shaped foam pattern forming in my toilet bowl. Don't ask what the pattern was made up of, but how in the most awkward of places, familiar shapes and patterns could actually form. I recalled I was working at some hotel, and the walls were made of graphite-like stone. I started seeing patterns on them, started to take photos and everyone was looking at me as if I was crazy. Well, one wouldn't be able to see them if you're not looking for it... that's why optical illusions exist. And that's why patterns are able to form in the clouds above us. Be it a dog, a dragon, a face or even a familiar object... I'm sure if you were to take a video of the sky an entire day, you'll be able to see at least 10 different familiar shapes or patterns.

How about those rain droplets on your window when it rains, or even the condensate in air-conditioned rooms and how the water droplets miraculously seemingly know to form a "beautiful shape"? My sister-in-law mentioned about this "talking to water experiement" which involved the experimenter saying good things to a glass of water and how when it crystallizes, it forms better shapes compared to those you say bad things to.

When I first heard of it, it seemed too far-fetched, as a science student I find it impossible. But should the experiment be real, I relished at the thought of its authenticity, for if it was indeed true, it would bring "truth" to a whole new level. It could even prove the existence of deities and apparitions. For if the experiment was indeed true, there are indeed some things beyond our comprehension, understanding and knowledge. So... I decided to check out the authenticity once and for all...

Alas, it was disappointing. In a world of internet hoaxes, well, the good news is that the experiement did exist, and was indeed conducted. However, there was little evidence to support the experimenter's claims. Note that I term him as an experimenter because he claims he's not a scientist, which gives him a reason (or an excuse) for his failure to reinforce or lay out evidence that the experiment did indeed work. He wanted to prove the point of spiritual healing.. and apparently has been selling those "miracle" waters online for an unaccountably high price. Personally, I think he's just in it for the money... feeding on the ignorance and belief of others. It's quite a bum, for faith is an invisible and unmeasurable feeling. It's good on the sense that it gives you hope, bad on the sense that if it really is untrue, it gives you "false hope"... it deceives you and at the end of the day, your so called faith makes you the "ultimate sucker".

Why... just why.. can't people be honest, good, kind-hearted, giving, considerate and even for just 10 days in a year, sacrificing for others? I haven't been living in this world for that long, and I'm already so disgusted by the evils surrounding us... yet... ironically, I still want to make that difference. So many have complained about our government system, which I was somehow initially psychoed into believing as well... but objectively, they are indeed doing a good job with our country. So many people would rather want to overthrow them, but what needs changing, isn't that. Why can't we change the undesirable parts of the system from the inside? Why are people so one track-minded on insisting that the only way to get rid of something, is to "obliterate" it. That's how terrorism works.

If only everyone can come together and make peace... the world would be a better place for all of us. If only everyone cared for one another... then it would all be different. If only.. if only.. all the if onlys... but I'm no longer fixated on the if onlys. Because when it comes to humans, people... they are what they are, we are what we are. I'm starting to overcome the lost of "sight" once again, because the beauty of life surrounding us... I can see once again. And will continue to do so till the day the world ends...

Politics isn't for me, neither are all the vices in life, or is violence. I wouldn't be so pretentious to say the same for sex, which I will only keep mumm about. No 2 persons are the same, but as long as there are those who are able to open their eyes to not just the eye candies passing by you each day but to the hidden beauties of life... and consolidate all of that, perhaps.. just perhaps... finally one day a book on the hidden beauties of life can be just as well-protected as the bible.

Perception on Theories (05/12/09)

Having read a good deal of theories and conspiracy theories, I've come up with a few ideas of my own and my interpretations of them. This post is entirely meant for those who likes to challenge the "truth" and loves analyzing stuff like I do. I will cover 5 pressing theories which have been on my mind for some time and I've finally found the time to type them down...

1. September 11

There have been claims that the tragedy of September 11 was deviously orchestrated by the previous US President, George W. Bush. It was alleged to have been planned by him to put the blame on Osama Bin Laden so the entire world can treat the terrorist mastermind as an international criminal and sprout the excuse of declaring war on Afghanistan.

I believe this is absurd. Though the conspiracy theory would first come off as a stunning possibility, on further rationalising, this theory is flawed. First off, I do not think it imaginable for a person of his status to be able to execute such a devious plan on his own people; it’s too far-fetched to actually believe he can massacre his own nation’s citizens at its very heart, the twin towers, all for the cost of declaring war on Osama.

From what we have learnt about Bush so far, where he was ridiculed online for his “low IQ”, how is it possible that someone of his calibre would be able to devise such a plan? You might say that he wasn’t the mastermind, merely the puppet put out at the very front but I doubt he was that “gullible” to be made use of. It may be true from his confusing and contradicting lines made at times which may come across as “silly”, but no one is perfect, you can’t have him saying the right stuff all the time after doing say like, 100 over live speeches.

There has been a claim on youtube that the collapse of the twin towers is not due to the crashing of the planes but an internal bomb which triggered it. This was based on previous incidents that plane crashes were insufficient to bring down a building, furthermore the video claimed that there was a thermal cam that day that registered the temperature way off to “melt” the top down. I do not see how the cover up of the bombing would make Bush the culprit, it could be due to holding back the information so as not to further bring up the tragic incident and bring more agony to those who lost someone that day. Furthermore, the video itself didn’t make much sense.

I have to admit the collapse of the building could be due to an internal bomb, but the reason for the analysis calls for much scepticism – why would someone be able to capture the collapse of the building on a thermal cam at such a shocking event? If you had a video cam with you on a day which you witness a car accident, would you be so on the ball as to take the entire accident? Or would you be trying to help them out? Furthermore, who in the world would carry a thermal cam with them around?

Assuming, the bomb did occur internally to further demolish the building, assuming the plane did crash on site due to negligence of the control tower, assuming the other plane crashes of the paragon and flight .... (can’t rem the number) were all planned by the terrorist to create multiple damage to the nation, assuming most of what the media reported were true, then there’s without a doubt that it was the terrorist organisation which orchestrated the tragedy.

Though we know we cannot trust everything the media reports, we also know that criminals can get away scott free easily due to negligence since honestly speaking, crime fighters are not all so noble themselves to get their jobs done all the time, therefore, there is more evidence to proof that it was the work of terrorist instead of mere theorized unproved accusations for it being the work of the US ex-President. Sometimes, we just have to accept that the truth isn’t as elusive as we may want to believe it to be.

2. Area 51

There have been claims that the US government is hiding a secret place called Area 51 from the its nation and the world. At Area 51, it’s speculated that the evidence of the first alien landing at Roswell are kept and alien bodies are brought there ever since.

I believe there is some truth behind it, but not the very existence of aliens. Area 51 could be a place where weird objects are brought to for experiments, where there is a group of scientists who would work for them and is kept under the radar by the US elite force. But aliens, though very tempting to believe in their existence, I doubt they (if they ever existed) landed on earth, or even visited us.

First off, for other life forms to come to our world, the so-called aliens, they will have to own a technology far greater than ours. It’s not impossible for that to happen, but to travel from other galaxies to ours, to land specifically on our world, to remain so elusive – that’s not quite possible. Why do they want to come to our world like ninjas, or as claimed by the Roswell events that a UFO crashed and Martian bodies were found... If their technology was this good, why would they crash in the first place?

If their space shuttle did crash, why do their appear so stealthily when they next come back to Earth to explore, or even find the cause of the first crash? If there were ever living organisms on the Moon or Mars, I would be extremely certain they would be aware of any “intruders” landing on their territory. And if they were that advanced to travel to other planets to find life forms, why don’t they just come to Earth in broad daylight (they always conveniently come at night where you can see it’s mysterious light beams) at the speed of light (since that is what is needed to travel from other galaxies to our world), shine a beam of light over a group of humans, gather them into their ships, experiment on them and move on?

Why return them back to Earth so that they live to can tell the tale? If humans gather living specimens from Moon or Mars, they don’t return them back to the planet after experimenting on them do they?

And one of the most pressing issue I have is that... Why do all the alien sightings all happen in US? Is US a hot spot for alien landings? Is the land there better and more conducive for landing? Why not Singapore? Why not India, why not... Maldives? Any islands would be fine, if you want stealth, just fly to any habituated islands, snap a couple of humans or other life forms, experiment on them and if they want to keep the equilibrium, return them and end of story.

If their technology is already advanced, I’m sure they would be intelligent enough to either go both extremes, if they want stealth, I’m sure we won’t be able to see them, if they want to make a huge entrance, I’m sure we won’t fail to experience it either.

Once an alien species were to investigate on our life forms and move on, further alien invasions should be for accounted for other sightings. But why do all the aliens look the same? Inverted oval shapes with large black eyes and a humanoid body (as documented by those abductees). Follow-up?

All of that versus the susceptible and vulnerable minds of those believers and how they are able to create false memories. Which seems more possible?

3. Michael Jackson

There’s a recent speculation that MJ is not dead and there were photos, shots of capturing someone who looked like him attending his own funeral.

Once again, this is utter rubbish. First off, why in the world would anyone want to stage his own death? What does he get to gain? Publicity? For wealth? For fame? He has everything already, and he has been living that way in the spotlight as a “child molester” so does his death take away all that? No? He’s the legend as he is, and staging his own death is absolutely ridiculous. It’s a similar case for Elvis Presley. There has been claims of him being sighted at bars around US.

This theory, is easy to debunk. There are so many fans of MJ and Elvis Presley, and the way they idolize them have created “duplicates”. So the sightings of any resemblance to the departed legends are merely avid fans who believe that they are their idols themselves, and to keep their legends alive, they decided to be as identical to them as possible. It’s not difficult to recreate the persona of MJ or Elvis, as has been proven time and time again but those fans.

The photos are is a scam. Why would anyone be at MJ’s funeral to be on a lookout for “him”? What I think is that some fans decided to keep their legends alive by plotting it. Get one of them to dress as close to him, get another to film it, and get another to post it. There you have it, the creation of a scam. Furthermore, there were so many fans and relatives over there and they must all have been that blind to miss the “real MJ”.

Let’s say if I did think I see him, took out my handphone camera and snap it, wouldn’t I want to squeeze my way through in front of him, snap him upclose and ask him myself? Why would I keep myself at a distance all the time? To respect his privacy? If so, why in the world would I still post his photos up online?

4. Time Travel

Not exactly a conspiracy theory but my theory on time itself. Scientist theorized that time travel is impossible due to the grandfather paradox – about going back in time to kill your grandfather then you will not be born to even be able to kill him. That was why the theory of travelling forward instead of back arose.

But what I believe is that time travel itself is impossible. It is possible only on assumption based on Einstein’s theory – if we can travel faster than the speed of light, we should technically be able to travel in time. What if time itself isn’t a variable, but a constant?

Time is a variable because humans give meaning to it, the hours, the minutes, the seconds, days, months, years etc. But if we were to really think about it, time is constant. It is not ever-changing, it is us who are changing, life is the variable, not time. A million years ago, is time the same as the present? Time is relative, if we had 25 hours a day, 8 days a week, would that give us more time? Or merely create another “timeframe”.

If assuming, we can travel faster than the speed of light, we create a “reality” that we are able to move slower (ironically) than the rest of the human race and other life forms. That is why what we are after the “travelling” will be more constant than the faster changing lifeforms. So, is that time travel? Or merely a change in the variables?

Take for analogy, in all equations, there are constants and variables. Time is the constant. There are two equations, one equation for the faster moving lifeform, the other equation for the other lifeform. So in essence, time travel does not exist, just merely a change of forms, or functions in any sense.

That is why to even start addressing the possibility of time travel, time itself has been assumed to the determining factor and has not been challenged... till now. Of course, it is highly impossible that a human can even travel faster than the speed of light in the first place, though the idea of time travel to change the “wrong” things you did in your life, or any life altering events in history will always remain a phenomenon and never reality.

5. Dejavu

Dejavu is probably one of the most talked about phenomenon in life, how the human mind can “play tricks” on you. Though it’s sensible to think that way, I will approach this theory along the lines of the further-fetched point of view – the world of alternate universes, the instability of realism etc.

With the help of my girlfriend who read possible explanations about it in a book about something to do with the wonders of life, I think, dejavu could be because of a split of interpretation between the spirit and the mind. Of course, that is assuming we do have a “separate” soul that is embedded in our physical body. This is highly hypothetical assuming that ghosts exists and are lingering spirits of the departed souls without a physical body.

When dejavu happens, during the actual event, there is a time lapse. The mind works faster than the soul, therefore it interprets the event as “happened” and the soul interprets it as “as yet to happen”. So after that split second of the event, the soul comes to terms with it being “happened”, thus the interpretation of dejavu. It would be easier to view it from the analogy of the conscious and subconscious mind – the conscious mind “lagging” and the subconscious mind being the “updated” one.

The idea of alternate universes sounds cool and novel, but to rationalize it from a most logical point of view, this is the best explanation I’ve got assuming ghosts are real, which I believe they do, even though the very existence of the soul is not scientific and has no real evidence or proof.

I think the most important thing about theories, is not just about being open-minded and being able to accept explanations which sound "cooler" and which makes you feel more at ease, but it's also a balance of rationalising what makes sense and which had the greater tendency to be "created". The first truth always seemed less "true" when challenged with another, but that doesn't make the 2nd truth any more right than the first.

The Limit of Tolerance (05/11/09)

Is my patience thinning, or are my friends going more overboard?

A question that greatly sparked my reflections and the people I call "friends" around me. Come to think of it, it has been a good 2 years since I last left my blog alone, thought I would never have to come back to it.

Though I would usually blog about new inspirations on the many chance occurrences, the "Finer things in Life", this post will be more skewed towards a selfish cause - myself. I've gone through a fair deal of "downs" to be where I am today. I could bitch about my life all day, all night and it would prolly take a 10,000 word essay to pin down my discontent but there's always that glimmer of light at the end of the tunnel.

The world in which we live in is much "darker" than we actually know. About a recent facebook vid post about how Einstein questioned his professor about the very existence of cold, darkness and religion, I shall challenge him here. In science, darkness is present only in the absence of light, ie, darkness doesnt exist. However, in the real world, "darkness" is the prevalent existence while light, only exists in its absence.

I cannot imagine when I've felt that way, but growing up exposes me to the "dark" side of humanity. I don't need to be a hundred-year-old demon to truly understand that or to be able to comment about it. But don't you just hate it when others question your age and ends with "What do you know? You're still young." Though age is in a way related to experience, but I don't think we can ever be "too young" to grasps the concept of life, to understand the "essence" of humanity.

I underwent my first test when my grandfather passed away many years back, and that was a major turning point in my life. I grew up wanting to do goodness, to repent for what I did, or what I didn't do. But it seemed that there's some truth behind the saying, "Good guys finish last". My supposed iron will has been smashed countless times, and right now, though still strong, it has incurred several unammendable dents.

"Do not do unto others what you do not want others to do unto you." I thought by living with that mentality in mind, I can make peace with everyone around me, and probably open the eyes of others to show respect to all. But not everyone thinks the same. What is intolerable to you, might seem tolerable to them, just because they have never felt it being done unto them before. Like the saying goes, "You'll never know until you're in it yourself." Perhaps what people lack these days is the ability to empathised, though hugely taught and preached in school and in books, I will make a general statement by saying there's only a good 5% who can really grasp that "essence".

Humans are selfish, it has and will always be all about themselves. Altruism, does it really exist? Or is it all but a show? Singapore's very own National Kidney Foundation and the more recently RenCi hospital, where there were cases of embezzlement of charitable funds simply showed that no matter who you are, how well-respected you might be, how divine a person may look, deep down inside, they are all the same. There was a newspaper article in yesterday's Straits Times that wrote "Magician, 68, sexually abuses ... a young boy...."

Just take a look at the way it was phrased. Firstly, Magician. It spoils the image of Magicians, but then it was ironically good in a sense that it alerts the public that no occupation is free of potential crimes. But the way it was phrased was so lobsided, the media just wants it's viewings, and the public just wants another excuse to find fault in whatever or whoever did something wrong.

Lawyers, doctors, policemen, pastors, CEOs - all of them have an equal potential of committing something criminal compared to a bank robber or a snatch thief. What makes you, you? There have been so many cases of thefs backdated from my primary school all the way to my tiertiary level and as long as there's a window, a potential to not be caught while doing something wrong, there's going to be someone who does it. Perhaps this is prominent only in Singapore, either that or it's well hidden in Scotland - back then the honesty system was so impressive I almost.... almost believed that there was goodness in humans.

Let's get back to what I intended to write in this post. Ever felt that you really hated some things that were done on you, to you that you just wanted them to be stopped, but were not within your control? That has been happening to me since a long time ago, but has aggravated recently. That's where the million-dollar question comes into play. Why was I able to tolerate it then, but not now? Is it because..... "Is my patience thinning, or are my friends going more overboard?"

As I laid in bed last night, I was unable to find an answer for that. Even if my patience did thin, I cannot understand why others will so very much take joy in my demise... therefore, I can only conclude it's probably the later. Putting more thought into it, I'm probably the only one who stupidly self-reflects after something nasty has been done to me, what an extreme fool I am!!

From this very moment, I will no longer think for others, to rationalize or to even self-reflect because if there's ever going to be a miserable party in such scenarios, I've had it with that party always being me. But there are exceptions. I realised that there was someone in my life, who makes me feel good about being myself, who makes me feel appreciated for the "empathy" i've shown, who makes me feel that there is still but a little "goodness " left in the world. In a world of a billion humans, there is definitely a few exceptions. Just like the way a supercell would evolve from so many normal cells. I just didn't believe I would meet that person...

Which also makes me think about the very contraversy behind the war of religion (in particular Christianity) and altruism, some youtube vids I was checking out yesterday. But that is another story, for another time. For now, I shall let my anger dissipate further by shifting my focus onto something else...

One of the most classic sight I saw yesterday at school was a DHL vehicle following behind a FedEx vehicle, with only seconds to react, all I captured was the scene in my mind. But I believe if it had been caught on camera, it would be a "priceless" addition to the library of funny photos online.

With the skies casting its shadows and grief over Singapore for the past few days with the arrival of the monsoon season, I can only hope that the days to come will only be as gloomy as the hangover caused by the insensitivity of my friends, the "puked" milk that I will no longer clean up for them...

The Fragility of Life (09/11/07)

I cant’s remember when, but it seems like I have lost the ability to retain stuff, memories. Perhaps it’s because I don’t want to, life should be more of dreams, than memories. At least dreams are wonderful, memories are painful… I’m not being honest here, I’m just contradicting myself. I don’t actually believe in what I wrote above, though I want to, it’s just that it seems like it’s the easier option to take.

Everyone wants to walk the easiest most simple path of life. But where would that take you? Does it take you to a place you want to go? A life you wouldn’t have regretted at your final moments in life? Recently, there has been a couple of deaths related to people I know, which inspired me to write on “the fragility of life”.

But before that, the usual “little things in life”… Have you ever witnessed the unsung heroes of Singapore coming out at night? Who are they, you may ask? They are the cleaners who clean hawker centres, pavements and every other place you’ve walked by early in the morning, on your way to take a train to wherever you need to go. They go unappreciated, like the dish collectors in all coffee shops and hawker centers. The evolution of life… In the past we used to see those old aunties and uncles clearing our dishes at coffee shops and hawker centers… Not anymore. They’re out of business, taken over by able, young and fighting fit foreigners. The aged have been phased out… wasn’t the purpose of dish collectors initially meant to create jobs for the aged?

With our policy changing… one can only doubt how true the statement of the elderly wanting to work really is. To work till we die? Is that what we Singaporeans really want? Or is it just me? Retiring as early as I can after a stable family, a stable retirement fund and enjoying life after…

I now see… how fragile life is. How easy it is to make your life worth less than it really is by people around you. Terrorism… that’s how it works. They mindf*** you into believing that your life is meant for a greater good, the sacrifice of one’s life to spend eternity in heaven with god. It sounds absurd, why would anyone be able to believe that sh*t? You would be surprised how “weak” the mind is, how “strong” the mouth is.

Hypnosis, propaganda of North Korea, Germany by Hilter etc. shows how easy it is to create an imaginary life for others. What makes you think yours is not a makeshift one? Like the movie “The Truman Show”, what if your life was just a pack of lies (which brings us back temporarily to the previous post), what if your life was just being made use of. War movies shows how vulnerable one’s life is. Everything gets ripped away from a single gun shot, a repercussion bearing from a nearby exploding grenade, a crocodile infested swamp craving for human flesh… a car accident, a plane accident, a building’s collapse, a lightning strike, what more a falling tree from a lighting strike… So many ways to equilibrate the life energy on earth.

The bottomline is, cherish your life. Live each day as if it’s your last. Cherish all those around you, everything around and never be too afraid to tell that special someone how much he/she means to you. Dejavu? Feels like your spam forward emails? Almost. Heck the “life each day as if it’s your first” philosophy if you had one, like I did. When we were young, death was never around… but when one grows older… death becomes prominent… inevitable… unpredictable. Is it fear? That overwhelms me? Or u? Perhaps… Remorse? Likely.

Time will never stop for you, but time shouldn’t be looked upon as your foe, but your friend. Time is fair, it gives equal to all… maybe not all, but to those still alive, and struggling with their lives. Maybe death comes to those who have got all they want in life. Humans may never be satisfied, but greed runs out sometimes. Sometimes, it’s just a simple and meaningful life people want. No more brain wrecking moments, no more stress over things you can’t and will never get.

I guess since we can’t control how we die, at least we can control how we live. Life was given to us easily, that’s why it’s just as easy to take it away from us. What makes you so different from anybody else? What makes your life worth more than anybody’s else for you to say “take them instead” when the grim reaper comes knocking at ur doorsteps? Just because I’m the wealthiest man in the world, or the most influential, isn’t even a good enough reason to give. This just shows that in the eyes of the highest “hierarchy”, if one believes in God… that contrary to whatever I have said, Life is worth more than life could ever “buy”.

What If Your Life Was Just a Pack Of Lies?

Before i start to invoke your mind with thought-provoking theories, assuming you're so free to be reading this post and have nothing else better to do, here's a little "Do you know?" section for you guys:

Most of you may already know,
myopia - short-sightedless
astigmatism - "san guang"
but did you know that:
hyperopia - long-sightedness
presbyopia - gradual failing sight (old people), commonly known as "lao hua"

Also, we've all heard of sudoku. And a visit to the "Popular" bookstore will probably expose to you the "hybrids" of the famous japanese number puzzle:
Sudoku (single digits) - logic based number placement puzzle (1-9)
Kakuro (addition cross) - similar to sudoku but the numbers must add up to the given "clue numbers" (the square is divided diagonally across into half and clue numbers are present as a "guide")
Futoshiki (not equal) - similar to sudoku but incorporates ">" and "<"

We all know what the sentence "the quick brown fox jumps over the lazy dog" is all about, and from a forwarded email, you may also know that if you type: =rand (1, 1) and push "enter" in microsoft word, the sentence pops out. But do you know that there is a term to describe this sentence? Panagram - sentence which uses every letter of the alphabet at least once.
(and yes, there are many panagrams out there, but apparently, only the above mentioned is the easiest to rem)

Well, for now, that's about all there is to the "Do you know?" section. May or may not be useful to you, but it sure enlightens me a little more.

It's time for me to divert back to the main topic, just as the title suggests, what if your life was just a pack of lies?

These few days, my mind has been exploding with loads and loads of theories and it seems to be linking ideas i've learnt or came to know about in the past together.

There's so many contraversies to be said and it's hard to come up with an appropriate organization for it, but perhaps it's best if i start of on feral children. Feral children are those children who were lost in the wild and have lost a part of their "humanity". What does it really mean to be human? That separates us from the "lower-class" animal kingdom? Language itself is important. The main distinction would be our ability for abstract thinking, and abstract thinking requires language. I will not talk too much on linguistics, if you want to know more, you can always borrow a book or join a course.

Well, what i'm trying to distinguish here is the "culture" of a feral child and a civilised child. Culture was addressed in my crime and punishment class which addresses the most widely accepted theory of what constitutes molding a potential criminal, and it seems "sociology" is leading. We will almost definately become who or what we mix with, the famous chinese proverb which goes something like "If you mix with a pearl, you will become a pearl, if you mix with ink, you will become black."

So what am i trying to imply here? We all grew up in this world, with a fixed set of "rules", "ideas" and "culture" (which is merely a word to describe a whole situation and not a particular "thing", in other words, the word "culture" doesnt really exist) and we all grew up believing in apparitions, ghosts, spirits, vampires, mummies, werewolves, pontianaks etc. Now, here's a qns to you. DO THEY REALLY EXIST?

Your answer? Let me try to guess. Ghosts and spirits, yes. Vampires, probably, cos of some accounted incidences. Mummies, yes, but not those walking ones like in the movies. Werewolves, unlikely. Pontianks, definately. Am i right?

What if i told you that it could just all be a pack of lies? They exist only because we believe in them. Our mind is the greatest power in this world, and we do now know how to utilise it fully or understand it fully. I've been watching the US horror series "supernatural" and there was this one episode which addressed this issue. A so-called demon exist only because ppl believe in it and it manifests according to their perceptions of it. It may be a totally fictatious Hollywood horror series, but it coincidentally coincides with a recent documentary i caught on my local TV channel.

The documentary "IS IT REAL: EXORCISTS" or demonic possession to some, addresses the issue on the credibility of demonic possession. We all know of the movie "The Exorcist" and that it was based on a true accounted exorcism. The 1st in fact, about a young boy. Wat we didn't know is that his friends said that he was an attention seeking young juvenile who was a master of pranks. All of the "demonic accounts" could be explained with him executing them just to gain the attention of his parents and the ppl ard him. He was later "cured" and is supposedly assuming a normal life now. Back in US then it was the 1 and only exorcist ever documented. But after the movie came out, there were 10 in the subsequent year and more as the years progressed. But before that 1 incident, there was no other accounts of it. Strange? Don't you think? Are evil spirits becoming more active? Or are humans becoming weaker in the mind? Not being more susceptible for spirit intervention, but for for hallucinating and "role-playing".

Why do exorcist rituals (the actual ones) all show the "victim" acting the same way? Hypnosis may be the key. Self-hyponosis or perhaps by the exorcist himself. Well, it's not weird or too hard to believe that that is possible.

From a magician's point of view, "mentalists" like Darren Brown and Banachek have actually proven that it works, neuro linguistic hypnosis. What it means is to use language to hypnosis someone. Plausible? Yes it is. The power of suggestion. I will not go too in depth into it but it has been proven by psychologists and magicians.

So, apart from the "culture" of a feral child, he who does not know how to speak, does not know what a "ghost" is, and therefore is not afraid of "it". He would be afraid of predators, but i doubt that of apparitions.

"Side-tracking" a little, it has also been proven by psychologists that we are able to make up false memories. An experiment shows so. Test subjects were told to recount the incident where they were supposedly lost in a shopping mall when they were much younger. A false testimonial from their parents was all it took for them to really believe that it did happen even though it didn't. Conformity experiments, where the test subject was put in a room with 9 other confederates who intentionally all agree on a wrong answer when asked an obvious qns and the test subject will probably agree on the wrong answer even though he knows it's wrong. He may even be made to believe that it IS in fact wrong.

Ghandi once said "When a lie is said long enough, it becomes a truth."

Now, let's address fear itself.

"Fear is in the eye of the beholder" Familiar?
When confucious died, he still managed to instill fear into his opponents and won the battle because of that. A story goes "The king of the jungle was told about a fearsome mouse and he spent sleepless nights thinking about the mouse. When the lion finally saw the tiny mouse up front, even though it was so small compared to the lion, the lion took to his heels and ran for his life." All of this, in the name of one great emotion, "FEAR."

Let's "side-track" even more now. (Note: we will not be going back to where or what we started on) Have you all heard of the loch ness monster, the bermuda triangle, crop circles etc.? These are the little mysteries which have always intrigued me since young. But as time passes, gradually each and every "mystery" seems to be "solved" for me.

Inverness, Scotland. Loch Ness Monster?. There is a rumour that a prehistoric dinosaur lives in the loch and shows itself every once in a while. Well, there has been lotsa loch scans and there has been no evidence of it thriving in the waters. Furthermore, scientists have spectulated that it is too big a creature to survive on the fish food available in the loch. Almost, no. Definately proven. No such thing as the Loch Ness Monster. How bout the footages of the "Nessie"? All proven to be nothing but a complete HOAX. Disappointment for me, 10/10.

Bermuda Triangle. Region of the northwestern Atlantic ocean. Devil's Triangle? There is a rumour that this triangle will "suck" passing ships, vessels and planes into it and "transport" it into another dimension. Studies have shown that the seabed contains sand with lotsa dense methane in it. Any plane or vessel debri will sink into the sand and not be found. Also, accounts of "passing through the bermuda triangle" and seeing an orangey vicinity is explained by the uprising methane gas. Here's your explanation for all the peculiarities of the infamouse bermuda triangle. Disappointment for me as well, 10/10.

Crop circles. Patterns in crop fields caused by flattening of crops. Alien Communication? It has been proven that a crop circle can be completed within 5 hours (a summer's night) and intricate designs does not look as hard as it seems. Just like a spiderweb (u can watch the documentary, "Life in the undergrowth" to know more about it), it may appear complicated, but once you know how it's being weavened, it's almost as simple as memorising your multiplication table. Disppointment for me, 8/10.

Magic. Does it really exist? Ever since i went into this field, learning and knowing more about magic, it seems more apparent to me that everything is simply an illusion. David Copperfield was nicknamed the devil because of his perfect illusions. Well, to be called a devil in the magic industry will almost be the greatest compliment one can have. It just shows how good you are with that "art". Everything is in fact, explainable. Wait, lemme rephrase that. Everything you see of an illusionist's acts are explainable. Most of the things in life are possible to accomplish. Ever heard of the Indian Rope Trick? It has 2 elements of it. 1. the rope magically straightens out into the sky and hardens. 2. the guru starts climbing the rope and disappears into the sky. One of the oldest, traditional illusions around.

Heard of Indians levitating? Possible? No? It is "possible". If you want to know the answer, go into the realm of magic. But let me warn u, with knowledge of such, you will only disappoint yourself even more. David Copperfield spent 7yrs perfecting his "flying" illusion. And all it takes is a 15 min "performance" of it. Most of us see only the effect, the final outcome, but not the process of it.

Einstein spent his last few years trying to think of the ultimate equation to link everything in the universe, but to no avail. Recently, scientists have come up with what is called the "string theory" and it could possibly be used to explain everything in the universe by linking them up, succeeding in einstein's unfinished wrk.

Scientology is a religion where it's believers believe in "science" being "god". Religons. An extremely contraversial topic. From the documentary of demonic possession mentioned above, it was invesigated that the brain shuts out the "logical" part when a devoted christian loses himself and starts speaking in tongues. The same is hypothesized about that of demonic possession. So, are religions truely, true? Do all the Gods they worship truely exist? My philosphy is that it is always better to believe in something, then to believe in nothing at all. The different gods may or may not exist, but why create friction amongst believers? What good does it do? Ultimately, it's all up to an individual to make a choice, to believe or not to believe.

Time travel has been said to be impossible, only until recently where it was possible for our future generations(a different time zone) to travel back into time to the present. A machine can be made now and this machine can be used as a portal to transport the "future" to the present but not the present to the past as the machine was not made yet. So, what about the Grandfather's paradox? What if you travel back in time and killed your biological grandfather? Then you would never been born in the 1st place to travel back in time to kill urself. One of the unsolved mysteries, or maybe, it's just an example of a linguistic paradox.

The power of the mind, what it is able to do and what it will do to you. Self-help books are useless unless you believe in them. But if you believe in them, then you don't actually need to be reading the books to "improve" urself. Almost like the einstein trying to find the ultimate equation and the string theory, it seems like i'm getting onto something here, but it seems vague and ambiguous.

All i know is that majority of our life is "made-believed" and to break out of this "illusion" would be pointlessly useless nonetheless. So what if you know all of these? What if all of your beliefs, your fairy tale stories were told to you by someone that it was all a lie. Would you start believing in the "hurtful truth", or continue believing in a lie. A "happy" lie, or a "hurtful" truth? Not too difficult to choose rite? To be cynical, you could even claim the person to be an ultimate liar himself, perhaps even delusional. Well, the choice is entirely, yours.

Points to remember:
1. Your mind is the most powerful tool to influence your life
2. Take everything with a pinch of salt, don't believe whatever you see, contrary to the famous phrase "seeing is believing"
3. Do not confine yourself to this imaginary "jail of ideas" we all grew up in
4. Just because your life might be a pack of lies doesn't mean you stop believing