Wednesday, September 1, 2010

Overcoming the lost of "sight" (01/09/10)

Went for a lasik operation recently, and during the first week, my vision for my right eye wasn't even close to 6/6 quality. Alas, there was an inflammation in my right eye, as quoted from my doctor, he saw a tear, which was the main cause of the inflammation. I was the 1 out of the 100 patients who were unfortunate enough to suffer such a consequence from an almost "bao jiak" operation.

That was the literal lost of "sight" which I experienced. And to cut the long story short, everything's much clearer now (about 1.5 months later)... still a little fuzzy though. But after my checkup this afternoon, both eyes were supposedly 6/6 vision... doc assured me that everything was fine and that I was overly paranoid or sumthing. I quiried about the red blood vessels I saw (vaguely) surrounding my pupils, and he said it was actually normal... just that after lasik operations, most people tend to be more "sensitive" to our eyes. Come to think of it, he made an excellent pt there... Never really did checked out my eyes cos of my shortsightedness but now that everything's clear w/o specs, I tend to scrutinize my eyes so much more, learn to appreciate them so much more...

But the main reason of my entry after such a long long time, is probably evoked not by my literal temporary blurring of vision, but because I could no longer see the "finer things in life"... the "beauty that surrounds us, or surrounds me". I have been too blinded by the terrible things occurring around me that somehow, either the finer things eluded me or that I just stopped looking for them. That's the irony about the purpose of my blog. Because contrary to popular belief, beauty isn't quite like love. It's not a matter of, "when it comes, it comes..." or "when you stop looking for it, then it will come to you". Beauty is more of being able to really see it when it comes... it's more like an opportunity. No, it doesn't come knocking at your door, but it's one that you have to grasp it when it actually does come.

The best thing which happened to me during the past few months, was definitely my trip to Taiwan with my girlfriend, of which I blogged it down so as to relive the memories and make it available for those who needs advice during their trip over. But ever since then, I was thrown with the tons and tons of the ugliness of human nature. I've been trapped in snail-like human traffic whenever I'm in a rush, and inconsiderate people just seem to be attracted to me like a magnet... for some weird reason. They push, bump, knock, and even fail to acknowledge my existence (some guy flinged his bag to "chop" a seat I was obviously waiting for)... People like that are simply too oblivious to what's happening around them. The one sight I'm disgusted by is how people assume the reserved seats to be fitting for them when some kind-hearted person lets his/her seat for them, w/o even recieving a "thank you". Not just for those reserved seats, even those which are not "reserved", all it takes is one inconsiderate person to take away the goodness of another's kind-heartedness.

And so I failed... I failed to stop, and look, because I no longer believed there exists any goodness in the world. For which I believed humans are evil by nature, and that everyone is self-centered and would never inconvenience themselves at the expense of others. For which I believed that as the number of citizens grow, the vicious cycle of "inconsiderate-ness" will only grow stronger. Like I've read in my financial advisor's book, it's simply a law of large numbers. The larger number of humans you have, the more "inconsiderate-ness" you'll experience... and the "lost" or in this context, the "goodness" is somehow diminished in comparison.

There was one fine day, while I was waiting for my train to come at Jurong East Station, and I was "bioing" a bird standing tall on top of one of the horizontal red railings which made up the elaborate infrastructure of the ceiling. And in a blink of an eye, down came... from the bird... his dropping. It struck like a chord in my locked up mind... that that was... one of the beauties in life. I had finally overcame the lost of "sight" and had finally been able to relive what it was like to experience true beauty. Gross to most, but how in the world is a bird's dropping "beautiful"?

It isn't the act of it, nor the product of it... but the consequence of the action which awed me. Back in my younger days, there's always talk about "kana-ing" bird droppings on your shoes or if you kana one on your head, it's almost like striking lottery. Now no one talks about that anymore... (either there's much lesser birds or there's just too much commercialisation) they only complain when their cars had experience an air-strike of bird or leaf droppings when they parked their cars out in the open.

Looking at just Jurong East station itself, there was a hot spot for birds to poop there... those large screen monitors. Where one could literally see loads of dried up droppings on the monitor... but strangely... none on the floor. Did the passers-by suffer the aftermath? Or did the monitor absorb all the collateral? I believe it to be the latter. Somehow, the birds subconsciously wouldn't drop his stool on anything in motion. We humans don't do that, we find it hard to even dump our waste on insects, or tiny animals sitting below our target spot... And I believe all animals are born that way in nature. No animal will consiously fly, or move around to look for other animals to poop on... if they were to see them moving under them, they will probably (crudely put) suck it in and have them pass by before letting there stool out again.

For those who know me, and my obssession with toilets, I'm not going to veer away from this "disgusting" topic just yet. I was bathing in my bathroom when I saw a heart-shaped foam pattern forming in my toilet bowl. Don't ask what the pattern was made up of, but how in the most awkward of places, familiar shapes and patterns could actually form. I recalled I was working at some hotel, and the walls were made of graphite-like stone. I started seeing patterns on them, started to take photos and everyone was looking at me as if I was crazy. Well, one wouldn't be able to see them if you're not looking for it... that's why optical illusions exist. And that's why patterns are able to form in the clouds above us. Be it a dog, a dragon, a face or even a familiar object... I'm sure if you were to take a video of the sky an entire day, you'll be able to see at least 10 different familiar shapes or patterns.

How about those rain droplets on your window when it rains, or even the condensate in air-conditioned rooms and how the water droplets miraculously seemingly know to form a "beautiful shape"? My sister-in-law mentioned about this "talking to water experiement" which involved the experimenter saying good things to a glass of water and how when it crystallizes, it forms better shapes compared to those you say bad things to.

When I first heard of it, it seemed too far-fetched, as a science student I find it impossible. But should the experiment be real, I relished at the thought of its authenticity, for if it was indeed true, it would bring "truth" to a whole new level. It could even prove the existence of deities and apparitions. For if the experiment was indeed true, there are indeed some things beyond our comprehension, understanding and knowledge. So... I decided to check out the authenticity once and for all...

Alas, it was disappointing. In a world of internet hoaxes, well, the good news is that the experiement did exist, and was indeed conducted. However, there was little evidence to support the experimenter's claims. Note that I term him as an experimenter because he claims he's not a scientist, which gives him a reason (or an excuse) for his failure to reinforce or lay out evidence that the experiment did indeed work. He wanted to prove the point of spiritual healing.. and apparently has been selling those "miracle" waters online for an unaccountably high price. Personally, I think he's just in it for the money... feeding on the ignorance and belief of others. It's quite a bum, for faith is an invisible and unmeasurable feeling. It's good on the sense that it gives you hope, bad on the sense that if it really is untrue, it gives you "false hope"... it deceives you and at the end of the day, your so called faith makes you the "ultimate sucker".

Why... just why.. can't people be honest, good, kind-hearted, giving, considerate and even for just 10 days in a year, sacrificing for others? I haven't been living in this world for that long, and I'm already so disgusted by the evils surrounding us... yet... ironically, I still want to make that difference. So many have complained about our government system, which I was somehow initially psychoed into believing as well... but objectively, they are indeed doing a good job with our country. So many people would rather want to overthrow them, but what needs changing, isn't that. Why can't we change the undesirable parts of the system from the inside? Why are people so one track-minded on insisting that the only way to get rid of something, is to "obliterate" it. That's how terrorism works.

If only everyone can come together and make peace... the world would be a better place for all of us. If only everyone cared for one another... then it would all be different. If only.. if only.. all the if onlys... but I'm no longer fixated on the if onlys. Because when it comes to humans, people... they are what they are, we are what we are. I'm starting to overcome the lost of "sight" once again, because the beauty of life surrounding us... I can see once again. And will continue to do so till the day the world ends...

Politics isn't for me, neither are all the vices in life, or is violence. I wouldn't be so pretentious to say the same for sex, which I will only keep mumm about. No 2 persons are the same, but as long as there are those who are able to open their eyes to not just the eye candies passing by you each day but to the hidden beauties of life... and consolidate all of that, perhaps.. just perhaps... finally one day a book on the hidden beauties of life can be just as well-protected as the bible.

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