Wednesday, November 4, 2009

The Limit of Tolerance (05/11/09)

Is my patience thinning, or are my friends going more overboard?

A question that greatly sparked my reflections and the people I call "friends" around me. Come to think of it, it has been a good 2 years since I last left my blog alone, thought I would never have to come back to it.

Though I would usually blog about new inspirations on the many chance occurrences, the "Finer things in Life", this post will be more skewed towards a selfish cause - myself. I've gone through a fair deal of "downs" to be where I am today. I could bitch about my life all day, all night and it would prolly take a 10,000 word essay to pin down my discontent but there's always that glimmer of light at the end of the tunnel.

The world in which we live in is much "darker" than we actually know. About a recent facebook vid post about how Einstein questioned his professor about the very existence of cold, darkness and religion, I shall challenge him here. In science, darkness is present only in the absence of light, ie, darkness doesnt exist. However, in the real world, "darkness" is the prevalent existence while light, only exists in its absence.

I cannot imagine when I've felt that way, but growing up exposes me to the "dark" side of humanity. I don't need to be a hundred-year-old demon to truly understand that or to be able to comment about it. But don't you just hate it when others question your age and ends with "What do you know? You're still young." Though age is in a way related to experience, but I don't think we can ever be "too young" to grasps the concept of life, to understand the "essence" of humanity.

I underwent my first test when my grandfather passed away many years back, and that was a major turning point in my life. I grew up wanting to do goodness, to repent for what I did, or what I didn't do. But it seemed that there's some truth behind the saying, "Good guys finish last". My supposed iron will has been smashed countless times, and right now, though still strong, it has incurred several unammendable dents.

"Do not do unto others what you do not want others to do unto you." I thought by living with that mentality in mind, I can make peace with everyone around me, and probably open the eyes of others to show respect to all. But not everyone thinks the same. What is intolerable to you, might seem tolerable to them, just because they have never felt it being done unto them before. Like the saying goes, "You'll never know until you're in it yourself." Perhaps what people lack these days is the ability to empathised, though hugely taught and preached in school and in books, I will make a general statement by saying there's only a good 5% who can really grasp that "essence".

Humans are selfish, it has and will always be all about themselves. Altruism, does it really exist? Or is it all but a show? Singapore's very own National Kidney Foundation and the more recently RenCi hospital, where there were cases of embezzlement of charitable funds simply showed that no matter who you are, how well-respected you might be, how divine a person may look, deep down inside, they are all the same. There was a newspaper article in yesterday's Straits Times that wrote "Magician, 68, sexually abuses ... a young boy...."

Just take a look at the way it was phrased. Firstly, Magician. It spoils the image of Magicians, but then it was ironically good in a sense that it alerts the public that no occupation is free of potential crimes. But the way it was phrased was so lobsided, the media just wants it's viewings, and the public just wants another excuse to find fault in whatever or whoever did something wrong.

Lawyers, doctors, policemen, pastors, CEOs - all of them have an equal potential of committing something criminal compared to a bank robber or a snatch thief. What makes you, you? There have been so many cases of thefs backdated from my primary school all the way to my tiertiary level and as long as there's a window, a potential to not be caught while doing something wrong, there's going to be someone who does it. Perhaps this is prominent only in Singapore, either that or it's well hidden in Scotland - back then the honesty system was so impressive I almost.... almost believed that there was goodness in humans.

Let's get back to what I intended to write in this post. Ever felt that you really hated some things that were done on you, to you that you just wanted them to be stopped, but were not within your control? That has been happening to me since a long time ago, but has aggravated recently. That's where the million-dollar question comes into play. Why was I able to tolerate it then, but not now? Is it because..... "Is my patience thinning, or are my friends going more overboard?"

As I laid in bed last night, I was unable to find an answer for that. Even if my patience did thin, I cannot understand why others will so very much take joy in my demise... therefore, I can only conclude it's probably the later. Putting more thought into it, I'm probably the only one who stupidly self-reflects after something nasty has been done to me, what an extreme fool I am!!

From this very moment, I will no longer think for others, to rationalize or to even self-reflect because if there's ever going to be a miserable party in such scenarios, I've had it with that party always being me. But there are exceptions. I realised that there was someone in my life, who makes me feel good about being myself, who makes me feel appreciated for the "empathy" i've shown, who makes me feel that there is still but a little "goodness " left in the world. In a world of a billion humans, there is definitely a few exceptions. Just like the way a supercell would evolve from so many normal cells. I just didn't believe I would meet that person...

Which also makes me think about the very contraversy behind the war of religion (in particular Christianity) and altruism, some youtube vids I was checking out yesterday. But that is another story, for another time. For now, I shall let my anger dissipate further by shifting my focus onto something else...

One of the most classic sight I saw yesterday at school was a DHL vehicle following behind a FedEx vehicle, with only seconds to react, all I captured was the scene in my mind. But I believe if it had been caught on camera, it would be a "priceless" addition to the library of funny photos online.

With the skies casting its shadows and grief over Singapore for the past few days with the arrival of the monsoon season, I can only hope that the days to come will only be as gloomy as the hangover caused by the insensitivity of my friends, the "puked" milk that I will no longer clean up for them...

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